Netaji Ki Zubani...

Bhaiyon Aur Behenon ( Ah! a fancy hindi start...I actually mean, "Listen Up Suckers!") Today, I stand before you on this podium from where I want to thank each one of you for giving me this opportunity and considering me to be fit for this post... I thank you all for your efforts ( Yeah...Thanks...You've done your job...Now its my turn...you can call it a payback if you want to). I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I'm here to help you people, to get us all out of the economic crises we are all going through and work hard to regain and restore our regular and yet very happy lives ( Oh Man! I can't believe I pulled this off. With just half-an-hour of mugging up, I can convince anyone on this Earth and even beyond with such bull crap ). I also want to tell you that I'm going to do my best to be a better leader and my only aim is your benefits...thats what matters the most ( Ofcourse, Not more than my bank balance). I also wanted to point out to you that I'm here with a special additional motive of beating the social stigmas which are sadly prevalent in our society even today ( Haha Kidding Again!...this was actually a part of my mugged up speech...forgot to say it back then...wanted to make sure I blurt these words out because I've heard that emotional fools like you fall for things like these very easily). I want to make it clear that I'm here with a clean state of mind and I'm going to be nothing like my predecessor because I've heard rumours doing the rounds that he ate up a major chunk of your money and did nothing for you ( Ofcourse, I'm not going to be like that jackass...Forget majority, I will eat up every penny you people own). I intend to extend my full fledged support to the police department and various security personnels by aiding them, in the quest to nab corruption and other criminal acts that are on the rise ( This ofcourse means I will corrupt the police officials as well and carry out criminal acts of my own. C'mon, the department belongs to me...they can't arrest me). After going through a lot of past data and statistics, I have come to an understanding that the literacy rate here is very low. I would like to encourage people to send their young ones to schools and colleges so that they can study and have a bright and colourful future ( And besides, I get 45% of the fees that you pay to the educational institutions...I call this amount the 'existence tax' for them).

Also, I would like to mention that the conditions in our remote villages and under developed towns has been saddening and brought me to tears. ( You believe this as well?? ) And hence, with such a rapid growth in the fields of science and technology, I propose to integrate these backward areas. I intend to provide electricity at subsidized rates and laptops to every individual in these backward areas. ( Now what the hell will you do with light and technology. I'll go with cheap liquor instead). I hence, want to conclude by saying that I'm here to bring about a positive change and change is exactly what we need to achieve what we want to. ( This one is for my desi-Obama fans...feel good about me now). Thank You. Jai Hind!